Monday, 27 March 2017

March musings

There have been some glorious days this month that just cried out for short sleeves and sandals and sunglasses. The daffodils and tete-a-tetes have replaced the snowdrops and crocuses, the primroses are quietly creeping along the base of the front wall as the aubretia flows from above in a pale lilac-y blue cascade.

Alice is developing at a rate of knots. I can't believe that she's 10 months old tomorrow. She's found her forward gear and is now crawling. She's starting to pull herself up to stand so her cot has now been lowered. She now naps in the cot during the day which is frankly a revelation - you can do so much in an hour! She slept on her front for the first time today. She's developed a love of grated Gruyere cheese and follows The Gruffalo's Child with her finger. Her little personality is starting to come through - cheeky, wilful and loving. She does the most adorable cuddle. She's now on two bottles of formula a day in preparation for nursery. She chatters away to the kitchen flowers (subscription flowers are honestly one of the greatest gifts to receive) and the plants outside, and shrieks in delight at Pickle. My heart swells to the point that it feels like it will burst, and yet it swells more.

As for me, I'm trying to enjoy every minute because it won't be long before I'm back at work with someone else earning her precious smiles and cheeky glances and dirty giggles. I'm not going to lie - it's been hard - some days are brilliant and other days are seriously tough. There are days with tears. There are those where I have to dig deep and patience is lacking. I can't/shouldn't/mustn't complain because she sleeps through the night and is a delight by day. I blame my hormones, frankly - they still haven't quite settled back down to 2015 levels. And perhaps a large dose of unpreparedness. I'd spent such a long time wanting/hoping/trying to have a baby that the focus was only ever to get pregnant/stay pregnant rather than the 'ta-da you're a mother' bit. Perhaps deep down I thought that the sheer amount of wanting Alice would automatically make me brilliant at mothering. Ha! I had no idea that it was such a bloody tough gig. Hats off to my friends who always appeared to be acing it in the early years. With all that said, I love where we're at right now and I go to bed each night knowing just how fortunate we are.

What motherhood has taught me so far:
  • It is not guaranteed (and there's a no returns policy).
  • I am only human.
  • Tears are fine - even over the smallest of things.
  • Speak out when things are hard because it gets lonely - turns out my NCT group were going through/had gone through many of the things I was, but silently. I'm usually the world's greatest bottle-upperer, but tired-based delirium led me to over sharing on WhatsApp and others saying thanks. Sanity restored with the 'me too' messages as they came through. If you don't have an NCT group, it's likely that there are local new mother groups. Sure Start Children's Centres are a great place to start - you can find your local one here
  • Put that idea of wanting to email/ring/blog to the back of your mind. If you don't do it immediately it won't happen. That also applies to texts/WhatsApp and replacing toilet rolls. I honestly don't know how @modelrecommends does it - she is a legend.
  • You will silently weep when someone brings you a cup of tea, the biscuit tin and remote control and puts them just out of arms reach when you're breastfeeding/have baby asleep on you.
  • 'They' say that the first 6 weeks are the hardest. It really depends on the baby. Alice had silent reflux for the first 4 months - so for us it was the first 16 weeks. The most important thing to remember is that it does get better. You just have no idea when.
  • It pushes relationships to the brink - Mr M and I have never argued so much. In part because I'm rubbish at communicating.
  • Get someone else to write the thank you notes.
  • A glass of red wine post baby bedtime makes everything better, two and half glasses makes the room spin.
  • Try not to compare yourself or your baby to others. Everyone develops at different rates. Ignore those around you who compare you or your baby to others, including those who weren't involved in 'the process' and then chide you for being overly sensitive. 
  • All advice is well-meaning but guess what, you don't have to listen to it. You do however have to perfect your fake smile and 'thank you, I'll take that onboard' line, albeit through gritted teeth, because people get so easily offended if you snap. They seem to forget that you've just had a baby, your stitches/boobs are screaming in pain, you've had 4 hours sleep, your ears are ringing and really the only line you want to hear is "here, let me take her" and not "is she hungry?"
  • The line that will turn the most heads when pushing an apoplectic howling 5 week old around a supermarket is "And this Alice, is why you will always be an only child". 
  • You will want to hug the stranger that calls across the car park that "You're doing a f-king great job being out and about, well done".


  1. So fantastic of you to put this out there. So many mums struggle with their new life. So much of the struggle is hidden so everyone thinks their the only one not coping. We all move around such a lot now that family support often is just not there.
    I work with new mums supporting those who just need a helping hand. Most help is for the baby but I'm there for the mum. Just to listen, make a cup of tea, help her to get out of the house even if only for a walk around the block. I'm there to empower her as a new mum, normalise what is happening and provide tissues if she just wants a good cry. I always try to tell any new mums I see out alone that they are doing a great job, its a hard gig! You are marvellous.

  2. My sister is a very experienced midwife and I assumed that she would be a natural as a new mum but I was quite wrong. It turned out that she was very confident until day 10 when the midwife usually signs off and then she was as terrified as any other newbie. So you are not definitely not alone as you find your way through the maze of new experiences. I think that you have done an amazing job and I heart that cute little bundle. Looking forward to sandy summer toes.

  3. I never thought I'd be writing this message but after 4.5 years of and nearly lost my marriage due to not be able to have a child, severe endometriosis and scanning, I was told that IVF was the only option. This was something we could not afford and had almost given up hope of becoming parents. A friend of mine recommended native doctor iya basira to me and persuaded me to contact her, she did a spiritual breakthrough for me to make me get pregnant, within 3 weeks I was pregnant (naturally!!!) and gave birth to our son in april. I am writing this message for those women who are at the stage I was at.depressed with no light at the end of the tunnel. give iya basira a try to help you solve your problem, and hopefully you'll have the same success that I have had. Here is her email address . wish you all happiness in your marriage.